TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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