well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
