I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
