I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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