i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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