I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
