I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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