i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
