I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
