So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
