I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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