I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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