Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
