It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
