Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
