I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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