Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize