mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
