I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
