my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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