Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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