the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
