You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i now understand why vodka
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
