come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
