Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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