People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
