do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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