every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
