You smell like stripper and shame
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
