at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
