How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
