I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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