He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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