I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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