Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
