so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
