Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
