I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
