Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
