SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
