just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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