but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
