I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
