She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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