i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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