as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
