She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
