question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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