If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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