drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
