Your mouth is God's brothel.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The air was thick with penises
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
