so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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