dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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