I'm gonna have a badass scar
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
