honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
