I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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