He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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