State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize