did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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